Description of study population
The final sample of 25 participants included unmarried girls (n = 5), married girls without children (n = 5), married girls with children (n = 6), and older mothers with daughters (n = 9).
Paradoxical emotional tones and story feelings
Our analysis is organized around three core categories that emerged during the second-level coding: education, marriage, and daily life.
Figure 1 summarizes the results and illustrates the complex range of emotional experiences related to the shared stories. Stories outlined with a solid line were identified by their narrators as having a negative emotional tone, and yet were associated with at least one positive feeling (such as feeling happy, hopeful, good, satisfied, or relieved). Conversely, stories outlined with a dotted line were identified by their narrators as having a positive emotional tone, and yet were associated with at least one negative feeling (such as feeling worried, sad, angry, disappointed, or frustrated). All feelings that were discordant with the emotional tone (either +/− or −/+) are marked with an asterisk.
All of these paradoxical perceptions of the narrators’ experiences are organized around the categories of education, marriage, and daily life. Although we recognize that these experiences are inherently interconnected, organization of the stories into three distinct categories provided a systematic framework for understanding the experiences in each of these spheres of life. The three categories are presented as overlapping circles in a Venn diagram to reflect their overlap and interconnectedness. Additional details about the 25 stories are provided in Table 1 (Appendix).
Category 1: Education
Access to education or desire for education, either for the girl or for her children, was sometimes presented as a reason for hope or satisfaction, even when the story was described as having negative emotional tone. On the other hand, lack of education seemed to contribute to negative emotional tone and negative feelings such as sadness. Parents’ reasons for not sending their daughters to school included concerns for their safety, financial vulnerability, or because their daughter was being married. Other barriers came from husbands, who prevented the girls from attending school, from lack of proximity to an appropriate school that matched her education and language levels, and from the girls feeling that they must stop school to work in order to support their families financially or to get married. Within the sphere of education, Fig. 2 displays four distinct stories that were selected to illustrate the paradoxical perceptions reported by the individual narrators.
Story 1: The difficulty of life
In this story, an unmarried Syrian girl discusses the many hardships she faces living in Lebanon.
. . . since I am Syrian, they would want to give me more work than I can handle. They want to torture the Syrians that are arriving to Lebanon. . . I was going through psychological pressure. I used to arrive home crying. Due to this pressure, I was getting ill a lot, and I had an accident while I was working at home. I fell down. I was feeling annoyed, and I had a feeling of suffocation. I fell due to blood hemorrhage, and my immune system stopped working. . . I spent 3 days in the hospital in [XXX] region, and no one helped us. The medical expenses were very high. . . I went to Syria to be treated. . . I have been living in Lebanon for 2 years, and the situation is still the same; it is work, work, and stress. . . I work in a kitchen. The owner always insults us, and he makes it very clear that he is being generous with giving jobs to Syrians. My work hours are from 8:30 am till 6:00 to 6:30 pm. I should be standing all the time. Whenever I sit down for a little while, the owner would yell at me to go continue my work. I would cry a lot, especially from the insults. “You, Syrians, are coming to rob us” or “You, Syrians, are coming to torture us”. These curses and insults bother me a lot, and I’d feel choked, then I’d cry. . . I do not think of getting married anytime soon. I want to continue my education and my dream. So I do not think of marriage. I have the freedom to decide, my parents gave me this freedom. They will not make me do anything that I do not want to do.
Despite these hardships, this girl was given the freedom to continue her education by her parents. While she described her story as having a negative emotional tone, she also said that the story made her feel encouraged and hopeful.
Story 8: Knowledge is power
In this next story, a married Syrian girl describes the challenges of accessing education in Lebanon and expresses how she has lost all hope of continuing her schooling.
Before the war, I was enrolled in school and reached the 7th grade. I wanted to continue my education; I had this idea in mind. My parents encouraged me to continue knowing that education will help me a lot. When the war started, we were displaced within Syria to a village that had an elementary school only. . . My only option was for someone to take me to the nearby village, where we would need more than half an hour to reach it, and I did not have anyone to take me. So I was obliged to stay at home. I stayed 2 years at home. Until I became 16 years old. According to the traditions and norms when a girl reaches 16 years, she should get married. I married my father's cousin. I have been married for a year and 7 months now. Living and staying in our first home in Aleppo would have been the best case for me. I wanted to continue my education. I wish I were able to continue my education. I have five sisters, three of whom are younger than me and left their education as well. My nine-year-old sister does not know how to read the numbers from zero to ten. They are all without education. I wish I could have had the chance to continue my education and have a job later. When I got engaged, I did not want to get married. But I was compelled to, since I would have gotten married eventually. I have lost all hope in continuing my education.
While the narrator interpreted this story about herself as having a negative emotional tone, she also reported that the story made her feel satisfied.
Story 15: Intense sadness or deep grief
Here, a married Syrian girl with two children of her own explains how the events in her life have compelled her to highly value her children’s education.
I am 20 years old, and I have a 6-year-old son and a 10-month-old daughter. We were displaced to Lebanon 5 years ago. At first, we went through some difficult and humiliating circumstances. . . It took us a while until things got better. . . His [husband] brother found a job for him in a restaurant in the [XXX] area. My parents-in-law helped us a lot, and thanks to God we made it through the worst. I wish I could enroll in a sewing workshop or any other workshop, in order to learn something new and have fun. We do not do anything, and we do not know anyone. So attending any workshop with other women would help me a lot. But I did not have the chance to do so. Any woman would like to work or do something, but what can we do? We cannot do anything. My mom is deceased, and I live with my father and brother. It was arranged for me to marry my cousin. I got married very early. My dad forced me to stop school in 6th grade and to get married. I got married really early, and I suffered a lot during my childhood. How would I explain this; I do not have a mother, and all my siblings are married. I suffered a lot with my marriage. I lived at my parents-in-law’s place. I could not go out at all; I wish I could have continued school but I did not have the chance. That is why now I put a lot of effort into my children’s education; I want them to be educated. I do not want my children to go through what I had to go through. I’d like for them to go out a lot, to be educated, and to have a social life. . . But what can we do about it? We cannot do anything, and thank God for what we have.
The story was interpreted by the girl as having negative emotional tone and making her feel sad. Paradoxically, and perhaps counter-intuitively, she also reported that the story made her feel hopeful.
Story 21: Educational suffering
In this story, a Syrian mother describes a family that had a unique educational opportunity after moving to Lebanon.
The story is about the concierge. . . In Syria, his daughter was in the 6th grade, but when they arrived to Lebanon she was down placed to either the 5th or the 4th grade. . . when his daughter attended school here, she went through a lot of difficulties. In [XXX] the whole curriculum is in Arabic, but here the curriculum includes studying in the English language as well. His daughter could not cope with the educational system here. Therefore, they placed her in either the 5th or the 4th grade instead of the 6th. The father hired a teacher for his daughter to help her with her schoolwork. This displacement may have given the daughter a chance to continue her education. Since, in the countryside of Aleppo her parents would have arranged for her to get married in a couple of years. Also, in the countryside of Aleppo seeking education is really hard.
While she identified the story as having a negative emotional tone, she also reported that the story made her feel hopeful.
Category 2: Marriage
The complexity of marriage is illustrated through the diversity of stories shared by the participants. Many families felt pressured into marrying their daughters early as a means to protect them and to secure the girls’ economic futures. Stories about marriage with positive emotional tones described situations in which the girls reported being satisfied with their spouses, appeared to be in healthy, loving relationships, and/or reported experiencing greater freedom and opportunity than they had as unmarried girls living with their parents. Stories about marriage with negative emotional tones described experiences of intimate partner violence as well as abuse by the husband’s family. Illustratively, one girl who had been forced to marry her husband (story 5) described her marriage as “living together like two strangers” and also reported being blamed for her own feelings of being “miserable.”
Stories from older mothers sometimes illustrated feelings of helplessness with regard to decision-making around their daughters’ marriages, and others expressed regret that their daughters had married prematurely. One Syrian mother talked about how “young girls are entitled to live through their full childhood. They should play, learn, and live freely; they shouldn’t carry a load that is greater than anything they can handle” (story 22). Another told the story of a minor who was married, but was not ready for either marriage or for having children. She described this as “really wrong” (story 11). And yet, each one of these older mothers associated a portion of this story with something positive. Figure 3 illustrates the paradoxical experiences related to marriage.
Story 16: I love my life
A married Syrian girl tells a story about her new life in Lebanon. She explains the difficulties she faced balancing her education and job and how she met her husband. Despite marrying at a young age, the participant describes a positive relationship with her husband and her in-laws.
. . . In Syria I did not use to work, but when I arrived to Lebanon I was obliged to work in order to support my family. I also applied to continue my education. I wanted to be enrolled in the literature curriculum, but the choice is not up to you, they enrolled me in the scientific curriculum. I decided to try to work and study at the same time. I decided that if I found it really hard to keep up with both, I would leave work to concentrate solely on studying. The curriculum started, but I only attended for 3 weeks. The principle interfered in what we had to wear, and he decided that girls and boys should not socialize together. I did not attend my classes anymore and continued to work. . . The best thing that happened to me was that I met my husband here. His family is my family now. . . We met each other here, and we got married. He is a great person, and we love each other a lot. And his parents love me a lot. When I delivered my child, they treated me as their daughter.
The girl indicated her story had a positive emotional tone and associated it with feelings of satisfaction and worry.
Story 10: Oppressed from everyone
In this narrative, a married Syrian girl shares her story about being forced into a marriage that turned out to be abusive.
I will tell my story. One of my father’s relatives wanted to marry me. I did not accept at first, then they convinced me that he is good man, and I accepted. When I got married, we had a fight on our first day together in our house. We fought constantly. Then I fought with his parents. My husband, his mother, and his uncle beat me. Even their guests would beat me. I suffered a lot when I lived with them. I neither ate nor drank anything, and I always stayed alone. They would yell at me and insult all the time. I stayed there for 20 days, and I could not take it anymore. I returned to my parent’s place, and they told me that everything will be okay after my husband and I reconcile. When I told them I do not wish to reconcile things with my husband, they started to beat me as well. They took me to a clerk to check if I was possessed or something. I suffered at my parents’ house and at my parents in law’s house. I cried all the time. They told me that I am divorced now and they got all my stuff back. But I do not believe them. I have this feeling that they are not being honest. I am afraid of going back to his place. I am not able to believe my parents, since they got water some holy water in order to treat me. They are suspicious that I am possessed or that someone has put a spell on me. And I am afraid that they are searching for treatments just to send me back to his place. I fear him. I hate him. I feel he is the devil, and I do not stand his sight. I always tell my parents that I would kill him if I saw him in front of me. I suffered a lot with him. I hate him.
While she described her story as having a negative emotional tone, she also associated it with the feeling of satisfaction. We can only speculate here, but this feeling of satisfaction may stem at least in part from being out of a relationship that she experienced as physically and emotionally dangerous.
Story 17: Education is a child’s right
In the next story, a Syrian mother discusses the many hardships her and her family faced in Lebanon and talks about feeling helpless when her husband decided to take their daughter out of school and to marry her at a young age.
When we arrived in Lebanon, my daughter wanted to continue her education. They said it is not safe for her to go and wander freely. So my husband told her that she could not continue her education. He feared for her safety. She got mad, and for 2 years she rebelled on both of us. She did not talk to us, and she always says that this is our fault. We told her about other girls her age that were obliged to do the exact thing she went through, but they did not keep the grudge that she kept. Then we got her married. She wanted that. She expressed that it would be more comfortable for her to get married; better than sitting around with nothing to do. If she got married, she could go out with her husband at least. . . I wanted her to continue her education, I really did. But I could not do anything to help her get what she really wanted. My husband feared for my daughter’s safety a lot. Contrary to a boy, she cannot be wandering around freely in such unsafe situations. We do not know exactly what it’s like to be in Lebanon, and we hear that there are a lot of conflicts and disputes taking place. So he feared for her, and he would not let her go. After a while she forgot all of it.
The story was interpreted as having a negative emotional tone and associated with feelings of sadness and good feelings.
Story 18: Fate and destiny
The final story about marriage is shared by a Syrian mother whose daughter was married at the age of 15. The mother felt this was too early to get married and regretted accepting the marriage proposal.
My daughter got married when she was 15 years old. She was very young. When they visited us to marry our daughter to their son, we told them that she is still young. They responded that they usually permit a one-year engagement. So we accepted. She got engaged for 1 year, and after that she got married. She was still young, and her husband is young as well. After she got married, she got pregnant and delivered a baby girl. You’d feel that this baby is her sister not her daughter. You’d also feel that the couple is still very young and childish like. I regret accepting to this early marriage.
The mother indicated that her story had a positive emotional tone, and yet, she associated it with feelings of worry and uncertainty.
Category 3: Daily life
The paradoxical experiences in this category focus on the challenges of living in Lebanon after forced displacement and include difficulties securing documentation of refugee status, financial stress, and safety concerns. Difficulties getting legal documentation in Lebanon were a common issue described by the participants in our sample; without it, children were not able to attend school and couples were not able to register their marriages. Another important issue was financial constraints, which limited access to health care and formal education. One participant described living in a camp because there was no money for a room and describes herself as “suffocating” (story 12). Although being in Lebanon relieved the immediate dangers of armed conflict in Syria, safety was still a notable concern, particularly for women and girls who seemed to be at high risk for harassment and sexual abuse. Despite the difficulty and adversity described in these stories, each one also included an aspect of positivity. Figure 4 outlines four stories selected to illustrate the paradoxical experiences related to daily life for Syrian refugees in Lebanon.
Story 24: My story
The following story is from a Syrian mother who talks about the hardships faced by a family in the neighborhood and how they came together as a family to support each other.
Our neighbour got married when she was 14 years old. Her father was arrested and killed in Syria. The family had no support at all. So her mother was compelled to permit her early marriage. The mother cannot support her family anymore. Furthermore, her younger sister left school and started working to help in supporting her siblings.
She indicated that her story had a positive emotional tone and selected feelings of sadness and anger.
Story 25: Foreignness
The following story shared by a Syrian mother discusses issues related to documentation and how they impeded both her children’s enrolment in school and the registration of their marriages.
I have five daughters and a son. Two of my daughters were very young when we were displaced. They were in the 6th and 7th grade. We left Syria while they were registered on my legal document only. I wasn’t able to either get their identification cards or to enroll them in any school. Now, they are 17 and 18 years old. They got married recently, and they do not have any legal documentation. So, they were not able to register their marriages at the embassy. I cannot go back to Homos to reorder their papers. At home, I have a 14-year-old daughter that cannot enroll into any school due to the situation in [ ] Camp and due to our financial situation. Even the legal documents of my son-in-law were lost. They lost his papers in the United Nations when they were renewing them. So now, he has no legal papers at all. The most important things now are my daughters’ personal identification papers and registering their marriages.
The story was described by its narrator as having negative emotional tone and was associated with feelings of sadness and anger. And yet, the narrator also described the story as making her feel hopeful.
Story 9: A sad story
A married Syrian girl discusses the many hardships she has faced, including stopping school, early marriage, and displacement to Lebanon. She describes some of the challenges of life as a refugee but notes that at least the stresses of war are relieved in Lebanon.
I used to be enrolled in school, but then after the armed conflicts and tough circumstances, I left school. My schoolmates were being kidnapped. We were running away on daily basis, and we had no home anymore. My uncle’s family and us sought refuge on the streets under the trees. Our life did not have any meaning anymore. My father wanted to make sure his daughter was safe, so he married me off. After I got married, my husband and I prepared all our legal papers and passports, and we displaced to Lebanon. Here we are relieved from the stress of war. We do not hear airplanes or bombings. We are relieved from running away every day, from the missiles noise, and from the aircraft’s hits. Here, we are psychologically relieved. My parents-in-law and my parents displaced to Lebanon as well. But even though we are relieved from the stress of war, we are still living in a tough situation. There is not any chance of education, and finding a good job is very hard. My husband arrives with back pain and headaches every day.
This participant indicated that her story had a negative emotional tone and was associated with feelings of happiness and satisfaction.
Story 13: Harassment of Syrian girls
In this last story about daily life as a refugee, a married Syrian mother describes her experiences of harassment in Beirut.
I am 22 years old now. I was married at 17 while I was still in school. I took my Baccalaureate and did not continue my education. After I got married, I had a son. I was married in 2011, and we were displaced to Lebanon 2 years ago. Now I am living here with my husband and son. When I go to Beirut, the taxi drivers harass and cat call any women passing by. Regardless if the woman was with her child, married, or pregnant; they would harass any woman. Some of them would talk some very dirty words, and they would not differentiate between an unmarried woman and a woman with her children. When she is walking with a man, they would not dare to talk anything. But if a woman is walking alone, they would harass her a lot.
She identified the story as having positive emotional tone and associated it with feelings of disappointment and embarrassment.